Updated: May 7
I'm a big fan of the Law of Attraction. Ever since I watched What the Bleep Do We Know and The Secret in 2006, I’ve been fascinated by this indisputable and yet seemingly elusive Law of the Universe. If I’m being honest, I became a bit obsessed with it. I spent almost all day, every day, reciting affirmations and visualizing the life of my dreams. I had the vision boards, the sticky notes, and the bookshelves full of Law of Attraction books (and I had read, highlighted, and taken notes in all of them!)
On a conscious level, there was every reason for my hopes to manifest.
But, that’s just it. They were merely hopes.
There was no worth underneath. I still felt unworthy of my heart’s desires, and it created an energetic block between me and my dreams.
I was using toxic positivity (which “rejects all difficult emotions in favor of a cheerful and often false façade”) and spiritual bypass (the “tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks”) to attempt manifestation – and I was failing miserably. The fact was, I had to go into my shadow, heal my inner child, and start resolving those emotional issues and psychological wounds in order for my manifestations to come to fruition.
My lifesaver in this process was EFT, the Emotional Freedom Techniques. Some people also call it Meridian Tapping. It bulldozed my limiting beliefs and allowed me to recreate my life from a place of calm power. It combines the ancient practice of Chinese acupressure with Modern Psychology to send a signal to your brain that “all is well”, and you are safe to explore your emotions and traumas, while cognitively reframing them and releasing energetic blocks in your system.
"The cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system.” - EFT’s Discovery Statement
I’ll give you a short description of how it works and then tell you about one of my favorite techniques for getting your subconscious beliefs to align with your conscious desires.
To do EFT, follow these steps.
1. State what’s bothering you.
This could be any issue. For example, it could be something about which you feel anxious, angry, or sad.
2. Determine how distressed your issue makes you feel.
Measure how bad you feel on a scale from 0 to 10. Zero means you don't feel bad at all, and 10 means you feel the worst. Write down this SUD (Subjective Unit of Distress).
3. Create a “Setup Statement” that states your issue, followed by a statement of self-acceptance.
For example, you could say, "Even though I feel angry that she didn’t call, I deeply and completely love and accept myself." Or you could say, "Even though I didn’t get the job, I’m open to accepting how I feel about this.”
4. Tap repeatedly on the side of your hand while saying your statement out loud 3 times.
5. Now tap on the rest of the points (see below), one at a time, about 7 times on each spot.
While you tap, repeat your problem at each point. For example, you might repeat "I’m angry she didn’t call" or "I didn’t get the job." Tap on each point in this order.
The top, center of your head.
The inside edges of your eyebrows.
The outer edges of your eyes.
The bones underneath your eyes.
The space between your nose and your upper lip.
The space between your lower lip and your chin.
The space beneath your collarbones (find the notch in the center of your collarbone with your “Peace fingers” and then go down an inch and out an inch - toward your shoulders).
Tap under your armpits (about 4 inches below each armpit).
6. Stop and check in on how you feel about your problem. Measure again for your new SUD.
7. Repeat the steps, if needed.
Tap until your SUD lowers or until you feel better.
(borrowed from the EFT Mini-Manual)
Following these steps has helped me manage my triggers as they arise and has allowed me to clear numerous disruptions in my body’s energy system.
The ones I’m most excited about sharing with you involve limiting beliefs, or what we call “Tailenders” in EFT.
I fully believe in the power of affirmations. You affirm what you believe, and the Universe responds in kind. It is relatively unknown, however, that the real affirmation comes from the subconscious mind. You see, you can say, “Money flows to me easily and frequently” a million times a day, but if your subconscious mind is saying, “Yeah, right!” each time, then the Tailender is the real affirmation.
In this instance, “Yeah, right!” is the Tailender as it always comes at the “tail-end” of the affirmation. It also ends up being the tail that wags the dog (we’re the dog). Another example is : “I have abundant energy…except I’m exhausted.” The Tailender here is “I’m exhausted.”
So, if you’ve been saying your affirmations for years and they just aren’t working, it’s possible that some part of you doesn’t believe them at your core. If you’ve aspired to many things that simply haven’t happened, you may start to wonder why there is such a huge gap between your reality and what you desire. Often, there is more going on beneath the surface in the form of subconscious objections or Tailenders.
The good news is : We can tap on that!
“Even though I don’t really believe that money flows to me easily and frequently, I accept how I feel about this.”
“Even though I’m exhausted, I love and accept myself.”
Once you’ve discovered your Tailenders, there are a number of ways to go about tapping on them.
1) Measure how strongly you believe in the Tailender on a scale of 1-10. One means you don’t believe it at all. Ten means it’s absolutely true for you.
Do an entire round (Tap on the side of the hand and repeat, “Even though I’m exhausted, I love and accept myself” three times. Then, tap on each point, saying “I’m exhausted,” and really pay attention to how that feels in your body.)
Once you have finished tapping under the arm, take a deep breath and perhaps a sip of water. It helps move the energy around. Check in and see if your number has changed. If not, keep tapping. Oftentimes, the body will relax, and the mind will reframe the cognition on its own. You may begin to feel less exhausted and more energized. "I'm exhausted" may become less believable to you. We don’t always have to do anything consciously. Pretty cool, huh?!
2) If your numbers aren’t changing, think of a specific childhood event where you heard someone say, “I’m exhausted” and then tap on that. Decide how it makes you feel and then measure it on a scale of 1-10. “Even though I heard my grandmother say she was exhausted after playing hide-and-seek with me, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
Say it three times while tapping on the side of your hand, and really allow yourself to feel whatever the child version of you felt.
Tap on the other points while saying, “My grandmother was exhausted.”
Do a few rounds and check in to see if your SUD has changed or if you've released some tension or found a new perspective...or discovered a NEW memory! Then, tap on that. Follow your memories, feel them in your body, and pluck out the root, using EFT to stay calm and focused.
3) Another way to tap on this limiting belief is to tune into your body and feel what happens when you say, “I’m exhausted.”
Then, think of another time that you felt a similar sensation in your body. It could be the first time that you remember feeling exhausted, or another time when you felt too exhausted to function. We like to say that it’s best to go with the “First or the Worst” when it comes to processing events. It’s quite important in EFT to work on specific events, as reliving a scene in your mind fires up your neural bundles for reprogramming.
So, this method uses body sensation to help you remember an event where you may have formulated this Tailender. Then, as you tap, the emotional activation around the event is defused and the disruption in your energy system is cleared. You may notice that the sensation in your body moves, changes, or disappears altogether. Keep tapping (and accepting) yourself until you achieve relief.
Once we’ve dealt with the Tailender by seeing it clearly, feeling it fully, and integrating it lovingly, your affirmations are no longer sabotaged by it. When you tap away the negative cognitions (the clouds), the positive ones (clear, blue skies) appear effortlessly. Restricting ourselves to positivity is like bandaging a wound before cleaning it out. It continues to fester and never truly heals.
EFT has been the most effective tool for me to eliminate my conditioned beliefs and get my affirmations to stick – AND it produces tangible results! No more wasting my time on toxic positivity and spiritual bypass.
I say my affirmations and wait for the Tailender. If there isn’t one, I know that I believe (10 out of 10) that whatever I’m affirming is (or can be) true for me. If there is a Tailender, I tap on it. I feel the event that led me to formulate that limiting belief, I feel the sensations in my body as I say the limiting belief, and I allow my beautiful mind and my perfect energy system to do their thing. It’s a miraculous modality and one that could substantially accelerate your manifestation process. Give it a shot and let me know how you go!
If you'd like to work with me on overcoming your limiting beliefs, reprogramming your thoughts and patterns, and finally experiencing the fruition of your dreams, feel free to book on my website. www.amandwonderland.com It is my mission to help people get out of their own way and step into the Flow of Abundance available to us all.
And, if you're a woman interested in reclaiming your power and resetting your life with EFT and more, I invite you to attend a Wake Up Weekend Intensive Retreat! Come experience a delicious synergy of EFT, yoga, and meditation in breathtaking locations with two experienced facilitators, holding the space for you to wake up to your magnificence. Our next retreats are taking place at K’Gari, Australia and Bali, Indonesia. We have an awesome deal going on if you subscribe, so check it out!